Monday, 16 December 2013

Peeved

Another extended blog absence. In part due to the lack of gardening action, the main reason being my dad is back in hospital. He fell down the stairs. There doesn't appear to be any serious damage done, however he is old & frail & we are still waiting for test results to come back. He is also refusing to leave (not that he is at discharge stage yet) anyway.

Blogland is a wonderful place & it us easy to get away from the trials & tribulations of everyday life. Mine like most that I follow are gardening blogs & while we mainly blog about gardening, there are always snippets of everyday life.

My parents dislike each other greatly & have done for pretty much of their married life. Whilst my childhood wasn't filled with the horrors that other people had, it wasn't a particularly nice one, nor for my siblings either. My parents are not interested when each other are ill & expect us to deal with any problems.

We genuinely struggle to look back & find a particularly happy time. There are plenty of ok times but we were loved with conditional love not the unconditional love that my sister & I lavish on our children, (the kind that children should be brought up with).

This isn't a post for sympathy it truly isn't needed, it is what it is, nothing more nothing less. My love of gardening & cooking came from my dad & from tales of the past one of my great grandfathers was a tailor, so perhaps that why I like sewing & crafty things.

I have spent the past four years dealing with my dads blindness & various other problems. This year has been horrendously bad with him. He is such a rude & difficult man & this has been the worse he has ever been & that is truly saying something. The waves of sympathy that we receive when we sit by his hospital bed are quite touching.

I have always strived to be the opposite of my parents which is quite sad when you think about it, though at the moment it is my sister that I feel more sorry for.

Her best friends dad is in hospital (the same as my dad) who sadly is very nearly at the end of his life. We all grew up together & this gentleman lives two doors away from my parents.  My sister would very dearly love to be there for her friend at this difficult time, however she is stuck, like me with a genuinely miserable, grouchy, rude & obnoxious man who tells everyone that he wishes he was dead. It is so sad to see someone struck down with an illness that will take his life & yet there is a man like my dad who refuses to give anything.

Social services are involved & he has refused every offer of help as he is adamant he needs to be in a home & that he shouldn't have to pay for anything. In all honesty they have been fantastic with him & offered everything they possibly could do & he has turned them down at every stage.

Anyway I could go on & on, it really isn't the place to do so, the battle between himself & social services will continue, my life will be different next year as I have pretty much wiped by hands of dealing with him which is also quite sad but needs must, I'm certainly not putting my relationship with Mike & the kids at risk, something needs to give & unfortunately it is my dad, you can't help anyone who refuses help.

Back to normal blogging & comments tomorrow about beans for next year, I'm off now to book a dentist check-up for the youngest & to pay some money into the eldest student bank account. Silly boy had a letter to say he had gone over his overdraft amount (only just) & now he has charges until it his back at the level he should be. When we enquired as to why he had spent so much, he said he didn't want to bother us for money to pay a deposit for next years student house whilst dealing with his granddad & did it himself. Like I said something has to give.

Have a good day

18 comments:

  1. What a difficult situation you're in. I hope your dad sees sense and accepts some of the help he's being offered. Hope you get your son's bank sorted out, ask if there's any chance of having the charges, or at least some of them, refunded, you never know, you might get lucky.

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    1. I am highly doubtful of him seeing any sense at all, if anything his whole attitude is getting worse & worse. We added some much needed funds the foolish boy, at the end of the day it is his fault but I have told him to get in touch with them, if they had alerted him sooner the charges would not have built up.

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  2. Maybe if you and your sister take a step away he will have to accept the help offered, You are doing the right thing though [ let's hope shock treatment works, Is your mum still alive and living with your dad?

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    1. To be honest I took a step back at the end of September as his behaviour then was just disgraceful. Yes mum is still alive & with him, they are of the old school attitude of married once & that is it, 51 years married & I am pretty sure they have disliked each other for 50 years of it.

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  3. So sad to read what you have written, Jo, We have some issues with my MIL at present - she had a minor stroke and it seems to have permanently affected her brain. She is now very selfish and thoughtless, seldom doing anything to help hereslf and make it less onerous for people who have to care for her. Unlike your Dad, my MIL doesn't want to be in a home and just wants people to come round to her house to pander to her whims all the time.

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    1. I'm sorry to hear of your mother in law, it truly is an awful situation to be in. If truth be told my father has always been selfish certainly by looking back all the pieces fit. He refuses to fund himself by going into a care home as he doesn't see why he should & he still wouldn't be happy when he does eventually see sense & pays up.

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  4. I sympathise as a friend had a similar situation a few years ago which sadly dragged on and ended up affecting his own health.
    Take care, Flighty xx

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    1. I can quite understand how that happened, I don't think anyone sees what a struggle it becomes. Once you are caught up in a caring cycle it is very hard to step away. I do hope your friend is in a better position health wise now.

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  5. So sorry to hear about your father, we went through this same thing with my wife’s father. Gardening is a great outlet.

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    1. Thank you it is an awful situation for anyone to find themselves in. Yes gardening is a great outlet I am making sure I give myself enough time for it next year.

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  6. I think you are doing the right thing in taking that step back. Your family really should come first and it is your Dad in the wrong for putting such strain on you and your siblings and not you in the wrong for taking a back seat. On the other hand, what remarkable children you have brought up, your son was only thinking of you when he occidentally went overdrawn. You must be a very proud parents with the morals he has!!

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    1. It is incredibly difficult to deal with someone who is so stubborn & who you know will battle against anyone to get his own way. Yes we are very proud of Rob a bit peeved as we ask each week if he is ok for money. It was the way his face dropped when he opened the letter. All sorted now and a life lesson learnt.

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  7. It sometimes seems that our age we are sometimes looking out for both our children and our parents, that your Dad chooses to make this as difficult as possible for you seems so cruel. I hope things work out okay for everyone in the end.

    But in the meantime, know that you have lots of Blogging Buddies on here that you can let steam off to.

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    1. I quite agree, the kids are under no illusion that no matter what they do we are here to help them. Parents on the other hand are a different kettle of fish attitude to life wise.

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  8. Oh and I forgot to say that now we are about to be in the same neck of the woods, you would be very welcome to come for a visit :-)

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    1. That would be a lovely idea, I don't think you would be very far away from us at all.

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  9. I feel for you and your Sister. I'm in pretty much the same situation only with my Mother, She too refuses any help from Social services, and unfortunately there is nothing we can do about that. I finally, along with her doctor cajoled her into accepting a home help for 2 Hours a week - though how long that will last I have no idea!
    I truly hope that things get better for you and some sort of answer will be found that is acceptable to your father. Fingers crossed, sending a {{Hug}}
    Rose H
    x

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    1. Sending hugs right back Rose, it is an awful situation to be in. To be fair to social services he has been offered a lot of help, he wants to be in a home & that is all he is interested in. He is adamant he shouldn't have to pay anything at all & that is where the problem lies. Unfortunately due to the kind of man he is he will be just as unhappy in a home.

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