Friday, 6 February 2015

The unjoy of adolescence

I'm quite happy to take what life throws at me, I'm big enough, theoretically speaking of course as I'm only 5ft 1" tall & have been round long enough to be pretty able to deal with anything. If it gives someone else a break I'm happy to take the load for a bit.

What I am not happy with is when my 13 year old son returns home from the school bus with a red face & tears because a pair of little ****** have thought they could wind him up by saying he was gay for most of the journey home. Well done because you got through to him.

Now whether any of my children are gay, straight blue, pink or green it doesn't bother me.  What does bother me is that they grow up into happy, responsible people who are able to settle down & get on with life. I hope my children will always see us as a springboard - jump as high as you can & if you need to come back home for any reason before you jump back up then you can. I digress

Harry my youngest child the one who shows his emotions easily, he is a very caring & loving child, the one who is more anxious about finding a good wife & having children than thinking of what sort of career he will have. He has planned two grand children for Mike & me, Johnny & Emily, not sure what his future spouse will make of these plans but there you go.

Harry was also the only child who went up to one of these little ******* at the junior school leaving assembly as the little ****** was upset & crying. I have the video to prove it, I was recording the whole event  not just that touching moment.

I will be contacting the school tomorrow, I know exactly who they are. Unfortunately they live a little too far away for me to walk round to visit their parents once I calm down. I will make sure the school deals with them in the proper manner. What makes this slightly more galling is the fact my nephew who is 5 months older than Harry & hangs round with these boys would give no help or support other than 'They're only joking'. I'm thinking long and hard before I deal with this one, he tends to follow the pack. I also know the limited response I will get from my sister & her husband.  My kids have been brought up differently & more importantly to think before they do or say something.

Harry will bounce back from this, he has already started to. We have spoken about coping strategies for tomorrow & he seems happy enough.

Whilst you may think I have this delightful & loving teenage boy he also morphs very easily into the typical grunting one trying it on. I gave him a fiver to replace what I thought was a lost school tie this morning. Once he calmed down after school I asked if he had bought a new one, he replied he hadn't as he found his lost one in school. Well I never thought to ask for my money back.

He brought it down later with a £10 note he had managed to save with these words 'I've managed to save £15 mum, do you think I could have some xbox livepoints'? 'Of course darling, I replied I will get your dad to pick some up on his way home' It wasn't until later on I twigged.

Enjoy your day, sorry for my rant, this post was supposed to be a bout a rather lovely swap I took part in. I shall be back with that one over the weekend. x


22 comments:

  1. Nothing bothers or upsets me more than bullies. I was a teacher for many years and I put the hammer down if anything like this took place It angers me so much. You push forward and contact everyone at that school as well as those parents. No reason for kids to act like jerks and hurt someone. I will be sending positive think thoughts to your sweetie as he journeys back to school.....be well friend and do let us know how it all goes....Nicole xo

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  2. I am also a sort of teacher - a Lecturer in adult education - and I find that many people lack common courtesy and consideration for others. You can see easily which ones have been brought up well. A common complaint of mine is that many people expect someone else to tidy up for them (like disposing of their used coffee cups) - a sign that their Mums over-indulged them as youngsters! Hope your boy gets through his current troubles all right (and that his Mum doesn't get a reputation for being a troublemaker!!)

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  3. Sending a hug your way and hoping you both get through the trauma of bullies OK.

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  4. I'm with you on bullies, and the school should deal with it, it did happen on the school bus. Harry sounds clever, but aren't they all at that age when money is involved, both my daughters would try the same trick and i would let them get away with it, but only after they see I was on to them. Family is most important, how they are with you will shape the rest of their lives.

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  5. Nothing hurts so much as seeing your child in pain does it. My eldest has been upset a couple of time by his "friends", it's so hard to see. And of course he doesn't want me to speak to their parents "because that will just make it worse". I do hope Harry's school deal with it properly. It always sounds as if he has such a lovely home life, that will no doubt stand him in good stead - he has the sanctuary of home to come back to every day. I'm sending you a cyber hug. CJ xx

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  6. Joking or not it's not acceptable behavior At fifteen there are all sorts of hormones and emotions whizzing around our bodies and if anyone is confused as to where they quite fit at that time it could affect them greatly. You have every right to be cross and I hope you get sorted out including with your sister. On the other hand he picked your weak moment to ask for his xbox points didn't he. I wonder if that was intentional:-) Don't you just love it when they tell you they have managed to save a sum of money which actually means they have swindled us out of it over a period of time hoping that we wouldn't notice. Bless them.

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  7. You handled it all very well, seems like your little man will be a well rounded sort of guy as he grows, and looks set to bring you great joy with two grandchildren - love that, how thoughtful!

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  8. It's always hard when you see your children upset. I hope you get some back up from the school and that they take this matter seriously, kids shouldn't be allowed to reduce anyone to tears. I've always been of the mind that no matter how much we love our own kids, none of them are perfect, they've all got their own little faults and can be monkeys at times, but I also know that my kids wouldn't treat anyone like this as they've had a good upbringing and know right from wrong. It does make me wonder how some people parent when their kids think it's ok to bully others.

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  9. I'm really sorry. I haven't experienced this aspect of parenting myself (yet) but I'm sure it'll come soon enough. It sounds like you handled it really well - better to vent here than to other parents where you might say something you later wish you hadn't. I just think Harry is really lucky to have a mum as fierce as you fighting his corner! xx

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  10. Little buggers. L had the same thing a few months back and he replied quick as a flash 'and what's wrong with being gay?' The other child didn't know what to say and left him alone after that. I wish I could be a quick as that! Poor Harry, give him a squeeze from us and tell him to try and not let it get to him, and a squeeze for you too, I know how much it hurts/ upsets/ angers when your small people are hurt by other small people xx

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  11. My son went through this as well. One pack against him alone. A particularly hateful walk home one day with the pack pushing him over the edge with their "gay" insults. These are boys he had considered his friends. I know how much you just want to throttle the pack boys. After years of my son being bullied, this was the last straw. You can't cuddle your teen on your knee anymore. The schools here are useless in trying to help you resolve anything. I told him to remember how much this upsets him, and never to hurt anyone else in the same manner. Teasing is one thing, but these kids were going for the jugular. They wanted to see how far they could push him. A couple of years down the road, he and his friends are finally maturing and the teasing/abuse has stopped (he's 16 now). Hang in there!! Disappointing of his cousin not to stick up for him, but he was probably also caught in the pack trap. Still ... you stick by your buddies & family. Your son sounds very much like mine ... he was always telling me he was going to buy me a farm on an island and he'll bring his wife and kids to visit me ;) Wendy

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  12. Ah bless him, my heart goes out to you both. I can't stand bullies - weak nonentities in my book.

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  13. Children can be so mean to each other at that age; they just don’t have a grasp on their stupidity and utter disregard of another child’s feelings.

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  14. This kind of treatment of anyone is not acceptable. Happens at work with adults who do not know where to draw the line and they should know better. I am sure the school will do their best to help but if they do not have the backing of the other boy' s parents it can be really hard. It has been said already about up bringing. These kids have been in the care of their parents who have failed to teach them manners and empathy for others. I hope the other parents back the school and accept the complaint as being their children's fault and sit them down at home and really get to the grass roots of why this was so wrong.
    My daughter is having a few comments made to her and as yet we are struggling to indent iffy them. The school has acted and we shall take it from there.
    Give my best to your son and I hope your strategies have helped today.
    Best wishes
    Xx

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  15. Oh my goodness, what a horrible thing to have happen! I hate bullying of an kind, for any reason and I hope that the school takes this very seriously and that it never happens again!!! So sorry for you and your son to have to deal with this. xx

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  16. It;s hard and hurtful and difficult to watch as the mother. And I'm not sure there is a right approach. As hard as it sounds, sometimes your children have to fight battles against the ignorance and bad manners that slide into horrible and mean behaviour that we used to call 'just boys being boys' and now (correctly) call bullying. How they do it, I don't know, but they need school and parents to be able to handle it well, without making a difficult situation worse. You are naturally irate at the moment. Now is not the time to race in. Sit back, calm down, write down everything and approach the school rationally on Monday. Give the school a chance to act first and in the meantime give your child the support he needs. remind him that these things happen to people very often for no discernible reason; the bullies just pick on someone. Is this a one off or a regular event? Has it happened before? This link has some good ideas; http://www.bullying.co.uk/bullying-at-school/advice-on-contacting-your-child-s-school-about-bullying/
    including advice on recording what has happened. If this is a one off incident, it may be that by Monday the perpetrators move on to someone else. You should still report the incident to school, but hopefully your son can get on with life. If this is part of a series, then I hope you can sort it out. Any child clever enough to sting his parent for a fiver and then ask for Xbox tokens deserves to be able to sting his bullies by outwitting them.
    Go for it, and he will be a better person for the bad experience. (What's the song? What doesn't kill you makes you stronger?)

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  17. Both my children have been bullied one in primary school the other in college. It has affected them greatly.....
    I hope your son is o.k. and you get all this sorted.. Bullies do not realize how much damage they can do.
    Rosezeeta.

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  18. Oh, raising children is the hardest job we EVER have. I think it is harder for those of you with young families now than it was when mine were that age and it was HARD then! I think you are doing a great job. blessings ~ tanna

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  19. I'm so sorry this happened to your son, and to you. Sometimes I think these kinds of things are actually harder on the parents than the child. I hope the school deals with this appropriately.

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  20. It's so hard to know what to do in these situations. Hopefully it is sorted out already.

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  21. Bullies have always been around, and usually dealt with pretty swiftly. This business of calling people 'Gay' (as an insult) I find rather disturbing. The parents of the children, and the headmaster, should all be informed asap.

    I taught my 3 children the efficacy of the 'Straight Right'. No Ali-style dancing, just a short sharp jab to the nose; it works wonders. I once witnessed my 6 year old daughter trying it out.... no problem, we made a quick exit whilst the bully ran back to Mummy crying.

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  22. Like you I can take most things but when my children are hurt it cuts deep. I hope your sons is o.k., it is horrible to be stuck on a bus with bullies.

    I am particularly angry with these bullies using 'gay' as a tactic to bully people. As the mother of a gay son, I find it sad that there are still ignorant bullies who use this language to intimidate. They should be reported to the school, and the school needs to stamp this out. Well done to C.T.s son who responded 'and what's wrong with being gay"

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